


Moon To My Stars

by wolfst_ar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Homophobic Language, M/M, Mild Language, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:34:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24912418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfst_ar/pseuds/wolfst_ar
Summary: wolfstar but make it written at 3 am.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	1. Crucio

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for how bad this fic is the entirety of it was written while I was half asleep and there’s probably 10,000 typos and errors in the timeline but please just roll with it lol.

Pain. White hot, searing pain. That’s all Sirius ever felt when his mother used it. He thought this time he could do it, he could be free at last, but instead...  
“CRUCIO!”

The incantation echoed through the dimly lit hall, but Sirius didn’t hear it. All he could concentrate on was the immense pain that pulsed through his body.  
Suddenly, the searing pain stopped. Sirius lay in a motionless heap on the floor. After taking no more than a minute to recover, he opened his eyes to see a concerned and terrified Regulus hovering above him. 

Regulus seemed more at ease as he began to reach out his hand to help his brother. He abruptly stopped when he heard sharp footsteps echo through the hall. With that, the horrified look on Regulus’ face reappeared. Regulus quickly wiped his face clean of emotion and turned to face Walburga.  
She muttered something inaudible, and Regulus disappeared to the kitchen, holding his head low to hide his fear. Sirius cringed as his mother, the woman who was supposed to love and care for him, drew her wand once again. Expecting the worst, Sirius was surprised to feel happy and relaxed. Too happy. Too relaxed. A familiar voice in his head spoke.

“Get up.”

Not this time. As though he was a puppet, Sirius began to rise. But, for the first time in years, Sirius fought back.

He knew that fighting back would be a struggle, but he had never imagined how hard it would be. It seemed that every muscle in his body was working against him. With a great effort, Sirius fell from a half standing position to his knees. 

“Get. Up.”

No.

This time, it seemed even harder. Though it was nearly impossible for Sirius to produce his own thoughts, he managed to create a mental picture of James. Sirius pictured James and his crooked smile. James and his messy hair. He saw James, his best friend.  
Sirius managed to stay on his knees.  
Once more, he heard the voice. 

“GET. UP.”

The force seemed stronger than he could have imagined. He tried his best to picture James, but it seemed as though even his best friend could not save him. As Sirius began to rise, he pictured another of his best friends, Remus. He pictured Remus and his perfect hazel eyes. Remus and his cozy sweaters. Remus and his golden brown hair that seemed to glow in the light. 

With that, Sirius pushed himself to the floor.

“No.”

His mother was angry. She was more than angry. She was more than furious. Sirius knew what was coming next, but all he could think of was Remus. 

“Crucio!”

The searing pain was there once more, pulsing through his veins, filling his thoughts. But this time, the agony wasn’t the only thing on Sirius’ mind.

As Sirius made his way to his room, bleeding and bruised, all he could think of was Remus. His golden hair, his beautiful eyes, the way he looked so cozy and cute when he was reading on the common room couch. 

Hell, everything about Remus is beautiful, Sirius thought.

That was the day.


	2. Lumos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> train pining. i would like to add that i’ve forgotten what year this is supposed to be set in. i’m sure i’ll remember eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i literally cannot use proper capitals and punctuation as it’s too much effort. how did i write this

Finally, it was September 1st. The day Sirius could leave the living Hell that was 12 Grimmauld Place for another term. As Sirius boarded the train, he couldn’t help but drift his thoughts to that day. Friends. Best friends. Just best friends, is all. Sirius knew he was lying to himself, but he couldn’t face the facts. He knew what he would face if the school knew, but he didn’t care. He only cared about Remus. He knew that he could never put a person who he loved so much through something like that. 

No. I’m not in love with him. I can’t be. We’re nothing more than best friends. 

Sirius was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of James opening the compartment door. Sirius forced a smile through the fresh pain of knowing that he could never truly be the person James saw him as. He smiled through the pain of knowing that he and Remus would never be anything more than two best friends. 

But James knew Sirius too well. He knew something was wrong. James wasn’t blind either; he could see the cuts and bruises. He knew that Sirius wouldn’t want him to say anything about it, but James was his best friend and to help him it was best to know what was wrong.

“What’s wrong, mate?”

“Nothing,” Sirius brushed it off like usual, but James knew he was lying. As he started to ask again, their other two best friends walked into the compartment.

Sirius stifled a gasp as he glanced at Remus. Though he only saw it for a split second, the way the light hit his hair made it appear as though the boy was glowing. Was Remus always so stunning? How were all of the girls after Sirius and not Remus? The only thing stronger than Sirius’ urge to tell Remus that he was in love with him right there was his desire to keep their friendship. Sirius was so afraid of failure that he blocked out the possibility of success.

“Hi pads.”

Fuck. Wow. Even his voice is more beautiful than I remember.

Sirius struggled to find words. “H-hi Moons.” 

Remus looked puzzled. Sirius never stuttered.   
“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing,” Sirius could never tell Remus about that day. Or about his feelings. He would just have to bury those feelings, as Remus could never possibly love him back, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all i have to say is i’m sorry


	3. Nox

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more pining with a sprinkle of self doubt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let’s play a game: how many times can i say the word fuck in only like 300 something words? :D

As per usual, about 10 first years stopped to stare at Sirius as he walked down the hall on the first day of classes, but Sirius didn’t really notice them. All he could think about was the feast.

As Sirius, Remus, James and Peter sat to eat, a dark haired Ravenclaw fourth-year ran to Sirius, blueing bright red.

“Look, Sirius, I’ve had a cr-“ 

Sirius interrupted. “I’m taken”

Why the FUCK would I say that? I’m not taken, I'm just… NO. I REFUSE to believe that I am in love with Remus.

His friends looked at him in shock as the girl walked away, extremely embarrassed.

“Wait, what?” It was James.

“I just said that to get rid of her.” 

“No you didn’t.”

“Yes. I did,” Sirius replied a little too defensively.

“McGonagall,” stated Peter suddenly, realizing that it must have been a joke.

“You caught me!” The friends laughed, though James and Remus both knew that Sirius wouldn’t joke about something like that. 

After the feast, Sirius walked a little too quickly to the common room. 

Fuck. No. I’m not in love with him. Just friends. I like girls. I like girls. I like girls.

Sirius repeated this to himself as he walked by another set of first years in the hall the next day. 

I like girls. I like girls. I like girls. 

Just to reassure himself, he turned and winked to a Hufflepuff. Love struck, the girl had to be supported by her envious friend to keep from falling over, but Sirius didn’t feel anything. As Marlene passed in the hall, Sirius felt nothing. Then again, he never felt anything. He never understood how all the girls loved him when he didn’t even like girls. 

No. I like girls. I like girls. I like girls. 

Remus passed. 

No. I fucking like girls. 

It took all of Sirius’ willpower not to walk up to Remus and confess his love right there. Why didn’t he see it before? How could he not notice this until now? How could he not have seen how attractive his best friend was? 

I like girls. 

He couldn’t bring himself to say it any more, even if it was only in his head.

That’s it. I like guys. I fucking like guys. I’m in love with my best friend. I’m in love with Remus fucking Lupin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the answer is 4. i could have easily fit more but for the sake of the already horrible plot i’ll spare you from having to read the word fuck (that’s 5) more fucking (6) times than you fucking (7) have to.


	4. Accio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a coming out and a confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first part of this chapter (before the -) takes place on October 6 and the second part takes place on the 8. oh and the year is 1976 aka the year of a day at the races by queen.

James, Remus and Sirius sat together in the Gryffindor common room a month after the start of the term. While Remus talked the two through their charms homework, all Sirius could think about was Remus, a stark contrast to what consumed his thoughts prior to that fateful day. The way he talked, the way he smiled, the way his sparkling eyes flickered from the book to his parchment and back again, everything about him was so beautiful.

“Pads! Snap out of it!”

“Wh-Oh... sorry. Summoning charms, right.”

“What has gotten into you, Pads?”

“Nothing...it’s just-“

“Just what?” James butted into the conversation.

“I haven’t found a way to say this, but...”

“But what?” It was Remus.

“Don’t tell anyone, but I think I like guys.”

James looked a little confused, but Remus smiled his beautiful smile for a fraction of a second. It flickered away too quickly. It always flickered away too quickly. “But all those girls...” James couldn’t understand how Sirius could not even like girls yet always have at least one after him.

“I never did tell them I loved them, did I?”

“I guess not, but-“

“Prongs, let it go.” Remus realized that Sirius was uncomfortable.

“No, it’s fine Moons. I guess I just never really felt anything. I thought that was how it was supposed to be.” 

“So you just-“

“Yeah. I guess I just realized that I like guys.”

“It can’t be that...” James trailed off, realizing that he had no idea if it really was that simple. 

-

Two days later, Sirius and James were practicing summoning pillows in the common room.

“Accio pillow,” Sirius muttered, but his heart wasn’t in it. The pillow flopped on the floor halfway across the room. 

“What’s up with you? You were always good at summoning charms.”

“I’m just tired.” Sirius tried again, this time catching the pillow as it nearly hit him in the face. 

“So about what you said at the feast.”

“What did I say?” 

Fuck. Sirius had been dreading this since he came out to James and Remus.

“About being taken.”

“Oh... it was a joke. I told you, I just said that to get that Ravenclaw to fuck off.”

“You could’ve just told her no. That’s what you always do.”

“I guess I just felt like messing with you.”

“You don’t joke about that. Especially not to girls you don’t know.”

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Why can’t James just let it go? I have to tell him. I have to tell him I’m in love with Remus. 

“Look, mate. I’m seriously not taken.” That came out meaner than he intended.

“Then why did you say that?”

All of Sirius’ emotions came flowing out at once. 

“I’minlovewithRemus!” He cried. In a very un-sirius-like way, he buried his head in his hands.

“What?” James was confused, but not really surprised. Remus and Sirius always did have a special bond that he could never really understand.

“I’m in love with Remus.” Sirius said, probably a little too loud. All of the emotions Sirius had been feeling seemed to explode out of him. It was too late to protect Remus, who was preparing to transform outside. It was too late to protect himself, but Sirius didn’t care about himself. All Sirius could picture was Snape and Rosier taunting the love of Sirius’ life. All Sirius really cared about was Remus. 

Later that night, as Sirius, James and Peter were helping Remus in his werewolf form, Sirius decided that he was willing to do anything for his Moony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you’re enjoying the fic so far and sorry for my inconsistent posting of the chapters lol

**Author's Note:**

> I will continue to apologize for the shittyness of this fic i promise i can write better than this


End file.
